I Traded Orgasms for Organization: My ‘To Do’ List Broke Our Sex Life

“Everything else gets the best of her while I get the rest of her” is a common complaint I hear from defeated partners at the start of couples therapy. As early as the dating phase, some relationships show warning signs of poor physical or sexual connection. The quality and frequency of sex and intimacy between partners is often hindered by “the list”. Whether one partner is an ambitious and driven entrepreneur or simply a fan of organization and structure, being a slave to a daily list of things to do can make it difficult for them to shut off their task-oriented brain and make space for spontaneous or regular physical connection with their significant other. “You don’t have time for an orgasm?’ is the question it boils down to in their partner’s minds. Who can’t make time for an orgasm? A person that is on a mission to check one more thing off their list. That’s who.

The list doesn’t discriminate. Being task-oriented is not about gender as much as it is about control and anxiety. Stereotypically, many of us have come to believe that women more frequently have a hard time shutting down their brains and getting into their bodies to be fully present for sexual connection. However, many men struggle to break from their daily and weekly routines to hop into bed alongside their partner or invest the time needed to kindle a sexual…